realization

I've been the night manager of a restraunt for about a month now and I gotta tell you that it has been the most stressful thing that I have ever done in my life. I didn't choose to be the night manager, I was asked to be it. I would never take it back because I have definately grown a lot through out this but I am just having a hard time with this new responsibilty. It's hard to feel that you aren't good enough, that you don't measure up to those around you or who came before, and it's really hard to swallow when you are told this everyday. I feel like I can't ever do it. I hate that I don't have the best sense of humor, I hate that I feel like I have to compete with others, I hate hate hate having these feelings. I'm constantly worrying if I did a good job the night before or if my boss is going to ream me again for not doing anything right. If it's not for getting out too late, it's that I didn't send people home when we weren't busy and I know that my boss and his pet elizabeth are always laughing at me when I make a mistake. Then again, I hate it when people tell me, "you know, maybe this kind of management isn't for you". I want to do this, I have to, to prove it to myself and to others. I want to do a good job, I want to accomplish this. I will come out conquerer.

The Future

It's coming close to my birthday and I can't tell you what an eye opener it has been for me. I know that turning 20 doesn't necessarily mean that from now on you have to be grown up, I'm still immature, but it's still a little scary. I was laying in bed one night trying to fall asleep but my mind kept thinking of things that would or could happen in my life. I started thinking, some day I could actually get married, have children and take care of a family, and just everything that comes with growing up. It maked me happy for the spot I'm in right now, but then I started to get excited for those times, Life has a funny way of being good for us but then changing to keep us humble.